God's very capable hands.

I am confident that LCC is the next step in my journey. I have felt God's peace during the decision making process in a way that I have never experienced before. He spoke to me in times of prayer and through those around me. The door is open and now I must step through it.

I am confident and at peace with the decision. Those two things made it a bit of a surprise to me this week when I began to feel anxious about the move. Somewhere in my mind I thought that if I was truly at peace with things that all the anxiousness would be taken away from me. So rather than admit it, I stuffed it down and put on my happy face.

Thousands of questions run through my mind all day long. Some I can take an educated guess at the answer and others have me completely baffled. I dread saying good-bye to my close friends, family member, colleagues and friends at GC, my church family, and all that is familiar to me. I am (trying to) wait patiently to hear from the school about the long list of budget/transition questions that I have sent them. Oh the list goes on and on of things that have me feeling anxious and unsettled.

Mid-week I began to have some stomach issues. Every once in a while I get a horrible crampy/tight feeling in my stomach. I pause to take a deep breath and then it goes away. I thought it was some sort of bug a first, but since it wasn't accompanied by any nausea I didn't know what to think. Someone at home group last night pointed out that it could be stress related. A little bell went off in my head when she said that. I then poured out a small fraction of what has been rolling around in my head and realized that that's exactly where the pain is coming from. I stayed late to talk to Kev & Pat. That helped a great deal and I went home feeling a tad better and my stomach didn't hurt the rest of the evening.

I woke up this morning to more stomach pain. I was praying about it when my friend called to chat. I told her what was going on and she also offered some good words of council. She reminded me that even when we know God has something for us, that it doesn't take away all the fear of the situation, it just means that we go ahead and do what He asks us in the midst of that fear. We don't let the fear stop us. WOW! That was huge for me. I had been trying to convince myself that because God was calling me to this that I shouldn't be fearful/stressed out about it at all. What I really need to do is remember that God is in the situation and that He will get me through it.

When I talk about being single I say that I allow myself to visit the world of self pity at not being married on occasion, but that God doesn't want me to set up camp and live there. I think the same is true about this move. I can visit and experience the moments of fear of the unknown, but I can't set up camp & live there. I need to live in the faith that He will walk with me even in those really hard times.

So for now, I am trying to remember to leave things in God's very capable hands.